Max and I were racing through Walmart as Jaclyn and Emmett stayed in the car, in the parking lot, anticipating coming to our rescue if the thick and threatening to burst, black clouds above us gave way. The storm was coming in fast!
She had text me a list and we were determined to accomplish the list with as few detours as possible, and return to the car as quickly as possible to get home before it poured.
Down one isle though was a memory, the candy isle. A bright red bag of Sweets Cinnamon Bears called out to me. It did! 😉
Being only barely disciplined, I did not pick it up because I’d already grabbed a box of Butter Pecan ice cream, a box of Rocky Road for Jaclyn and boxes of Cotton Candy flavored for the boys. Still, the little bag and its little red bear reminded me of the power of forgiveness and reconciliation.
“Be kind and loving to each other, and forgive each other just as God forgave you in Christ.” – Ephesians 4:32
“What I say is true, and you should fully accept it: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst.” – 1 Timothy 1:15
I’m with Paul, here. I have done some of the stupidest things in the world!
My dad and I sat in his study sharing a 5 pound bag of cinnamon gummy bears. He knew he was dying. Everything the doctors were doing now was just to put off the inevitable, as he put it.
I had forgiven my dad years and years ago. I really had. Taking only a moment to consider my own sins, made forgiving his a little easier. Sin is sin is sin.
That forgiveness made this moment possible.
Four years before, Les, my oldest son, and I were playing some Ghost Recon and I received a call from my dad. Les and I paused the game and I put it on speaker. He asked what we were up to and what we did for entertainment. We told him. He bought himself an Xbox, a Gold membership (so he could play with us), and Ghost Recon, our favorite game at the time. We began to play every weekend and I felt like the boy getting to play catch with his dad for the first time in my life.
Now, Ghost Recon contains pervasive swearing. I hate it. (Ever catch yourself thinking swear words after you’ve heard them? I SO do!!) I always played with the voice volume off so I could only hear my dad and my son. Heavenly. Seriously. It’s still one of my favorite memories!
For the first six months or more, my dad would spend most of our playing time saying sorry for his past choices and tearing himself down for what he’d done. It took such a long time to convince him that I did not hold any of it against him and that Jesus’ forgiveness for my own incredible stupidity was the real basis of my own forgiveness of his choices.
Our relationship grew and in that season we became the father and son I had always longed for.
Reconciliation, the evidence of forgiveness, had occurred.
I had been taught by precious men and women of God, the value of forgiveness and how that it was MY responsibility to pursue and for MY own benefit. Forgiveness meant I did not carry the weight of his choices. Forgiveness saved me from becoming like him and my stepdads. Forgiveness was a release, a letting go, an opening of MY own heart to the forgiveness Jesus offered to ME through His life, death, and resurrection. Forgiveness was for ME.
Reconciliation was an evidence. It was like tears are to the deeper emotions of sadness and joy. Reconciliation was also only the entrance to a grand adventure!
“My brothers and sisters, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience. Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do. Then you will be perfect and complete and will have everything you need.” – James 1:2-4
Over the next four years, we would get together at least once a week, often more, and play Ghost Recon, he would come visit and we would grow, like our perfection in the verses above, over time, a relationship that would lead to my own visits to his home, with he and Reta, his sweet wife, wherein we would go shoot rifles, race around the hills in his amphibious ATV, do a bunch of chores (weirdly my favorite part) and arrive at this day, in his study, playing a game, eating gummy bears, and reflecting on our lives.
Two months later he would pass.
Forgiveness was the foundation of our experience of reconciliation. Forgiveness was my choice. Reconciliation was OUR process, the result of forgiveness, confession, true repentance, and a rebuilding of relationship and trust over time. Reconciliation was the ripened fruit of the planted seed of forgiveness.
It’s amazing what a little bag of cinnamon gummy bears can do!
Reconciliation doesn’t always happen but I believe we are still called to prayerfully pursue it.
“If someone does wrong to you, do not pay him back by doing wrong to him. Try to do what everyone thinks is right. Do your best to live in peace with everyone.” – Romans 12:17-18
